For a man to truly call himself a man, he must first conquer the lofty peaks of correct food preservation; or in most cases, how to keep the brewskis fresh and cool. If we visit a friend’s Man Cave and the guy has the audacity to serve us a lukewarm, piss temperature Miller, we will have no other recourse but to challenge him to a respectable duel. Kill him where he stands, spit on his sissy corpse and afterward bed his widow on top of his grave.
“Gentleman of the jury, I would like to direct your eyes to exhibit A.”
“Is that?!” Gasp.
“That’s right, a room temperature Budweiser!”
“Case dismissed! Bailiff, release this hero. Lads, get your pitchforks and torches, we have to haunt the bastard’s spawns! We can’t let his deviant DNA spread across this country!”
A fridge is a fridge, right? WRONG! Ignore the awesomeness that a fridge can become and you’re doing a disservice for all of your loyal man cave dwellers. Alright, we know you’re thinking we’re full of sh*t. But seriously, there are quite a few things to think of before you get a fridge for the man cave and the information below will help.
I’ll talk real slow, on account that your question seems to insinuate that you lived under power lines as a kid…
You… Need… A … Fridge… To… Conserve… Food….
Or, to be more the exact, you numb nuts, cause beer needs to be treated with respect.
If it’s too big, you are only inviting disaster. Your wife, knocking at your castle gate asking a loaded question, “Honey, the kitchen fridge is full, can I keep the dip I made for the girls in yours?” If anything, but the fact that you “don’t have room” splutters out of your lips, then you’ve sealed your fate; prepare for that ONE-time thing to become a regular occurrence. That’s right, the first thing you need to balance out is size. Will it fit? What am I going to stuff it with? How much beer do I need in reserve?
“What? What? Did you say something?” Some fridges are so noisy that they make a Metallica Concert seem positively quaint by comparison.
Take into account how many beers and packs of beef jerky you’re liable to stuff into the fridge. It is imperative to envision whether you’re going to shove the Pizza you ordered in one sitting or if you’re going to leave a slice or two for tomorrow’s breakfast.
Smooth shelves are easier to wipe down. If you go for a wire model, then prepare to work hard for the spotty zero-bacteria finish… In other words: “Dude, there’s something hanging from one of the racks. It just winked at me…” If you’re going to be “that guy” at least know that going in.
Fridges, there are thousand of them, but to be really cool they need some clearly definable thingamajig to toss them ahead of their equals. Some magic doodad, some bells and whistles, some punch, in order to lure your credit card in and get you to “adopt” them for a hefty price. Some have neon lights, others USB electrical connections, a few their own tab and a couple even have mounted Bluetooth speakers. What is most important to you?
The fridge doors can be made of all sorts of materials; glass, metal, rubber, formica, and even hippie recycled trash. Take into consideration your level of sloppiness. If you simply pack everything in and believe that cleaning up is a choice and not a duty, then don’t even play with the idea buying a glass door (it’s a bitch to wash and it will display, for all to see, the pig you truly are).
There are 4 types of fridges to contemplate when shopping. French door, side-by-side, top freezer and bottom freezer. Truth be told, you are a man and the only thing you REALLY need to know regarding your new man cave fridge is whether or not it will take a keg in its belly.