It's time to dodge the wooden barrels, save mankind from total destruction and deliver the paper on time. Fight the aliens, punch Shredder in the head, burn a sucker after beating him within an inch of his life. Get your testosterone running as we analyze the 5 Best Man Cave Arcade Games out there.
“Pew, pew, pew! Wham, wham!” And many other pixel oriented sounds. If this is not the soundtrack coming out from your Man-Cave, then you, sir, have failed your sex. Please, pack up your testicles, ship those furry balls back to the factory, and start investing in tampons.
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When we say arcade game, we mean the type that plays “Wreck-It Ralph” that you need a crew of muscle-heads to move, arcade game. Not those new monstrosities that turn our children’s brain into mush… but the old ones that we spent countless hours playing and roped us into falling for the wife.
“Yes, junior, thank Donkey Kong and a cheap Trojan for your conception!”
Let’s address some of the common questions people have before the get an arcade game.
Simply put… BECAUSE THEY ARE F-ING COOL!!!!
Nowadays, Sony, Nintendo, Apple and Microsoft have the market cornered on video games. One better than the other, a constant grudge match over who has the best emulator and the best game.
But, there is one thing that they can never bottle, the fond memories arcade games evoke.
Four guys huddled on a sofa, looming over a screen seeing whether or not they can get to level 20 in Call of Duty, is not the same as four guys cheering at each other to beat the high-score.
Sure, there are counterparts, sure there are next-gen emulators, but, there’s a reason why you spent you first allowance at the local pizza joint trying to duke out Mike Tyson way back when.
Nothing can beat the feeling of owning a gem from your childhood. Some people collect Picasso, some people like having a box filled with trading cards, some people simply need to have a Harley in the garaje.
There are tons of us that simply want something so absolutely cool, despite their weight, despite the fact that they are a pain in the ass to move, despite repairs, and all the money and effort, to call our own.
The truth of the matters is there are no benefits other than nostalgia and the “coolness” factor.
They are bulky, they weigh a ton and some are energy hogs. Oh, and most are file for bankruptcy expensive.
The only reason why you would want one, is because once more, THEY ARE COOL!
Why would you want a Hummer or a 75 Mustang, when you can own, for one quarter of the price, a perfectly decent Toyota (one with MP3 player, A/C units and all the comforts of the modern age)?
Because we are MEN! Logic, reason, practical thinking has nothing on us once our loins take over.
Here are a few things to consider whenever inspiration seizes us and we yearn for an old-time Arcade console.
The BIG Existential problems:
… And finally, the one true element that will ultimately make up your mind…. THE IT FACTOR. That one characteristic that sells the contraption and puts it above the rest.
All of these are valid concerns and they are the things that you have to consider when purchasing an arcade game. All of this is determined by your own preferences and weighing which of these features is most important to you, but all of these factors should be considered as you consider getting your arcade game.
In a way, arcades for a section of the populace have become the new hot-rods. Every so often you see a fella’ hauling in tons of scraps into his garage preparing to retrofit and make his own arcade console.
Search the net, and you’ll discover a score of sellers auctioning of all sorts of materials. Power supplies, PCBS, motherboards, switches, thingamajigs, marquees, jumper cables.
Right of the bat, we wan’t to make something clear, this is not an article for the D.I.Y. crowd.
This is an article for all the men out there that value their life above not getting electrocuted because they have a fixation with Frogger. It’s for the guy who simply wants a cool arcade cabinet in his Fortress without nerve wracking dread as to wether or not he’ll set his house on fire once the fuse box goes KABOOM!
Building an arcade game is always an option, sure, but do you really want to spend the next 6 months dealing with circuit boards and properly fitting a screen into a box?
Most of you will say no to that one, and we feel it’s a wise decisión. After you purchase all of the materials and spend countless hours (hopefully) building a arcade game that actually Works, you’ll just wish you spent the extra cash to have someone else do all the B.S. work for you.
Most cabinets use the 3 prong outlet. Set up is fairly easy - plug and play - like any other electrically powered item.
Some, only a few, which we will not cover in this article, require a special outlet, that any electrician worth his salt can set up fro less than $150 dollars.
For international costumers, with their odd 220 volt, be aware that all gaming consoles come with a dual voltage option; just give the lads who build it a heads-up to make sure you can plug it in at your fortress.
There is one key term you have to really consider when buying an arcade and that is MAME.
This stands for multi arcade machine emulator.
In other words, it’s the system that allows one arcade cabinet to play multiple retro games. And after all, if you’re going to purchase one of these boxes of awesomeness, you may as well get everything you can out of it.
Yes, the perfect Arcade is just a click away. One drop of the credit card, a kick in the nuts in the form of a charge on your credit card, but a lifetime of fun and games. We’ve presented five arcade games that fill the bill for all of your Mario Brothers needs.
The truth is, all have similar software, most have the same internal workings, but what truly changes is the housing.
If it's a vintage look you're searching for, then by all means Galaga Upright-Arcade Game Machine. It's sleek, it looks old and, best of all, it reminds you of those long ago days of glory.
Now, if you've outgrown that station in life, if a good scotch is way better than a stale old beer, then bang your AMEX down and buy, or steal – we don't judge - the cocktail table.
Finally, if you see arcade games as nothing more than a way to reconnect with your buddies, a way to pass the time and shoot the breeze, then try investing in a multiplayer system like the hanging job up above or Viewlix.
In the end, what truly matters, aside from stroking nostalgia in its happy place, is the following... SHOWING OFF. Of making the world know that your Man-Cave lives up the hype and rewrites the rules. An arcade is a trophy token of excellence. The equivalent of shouting to all your buddies: “my toggle switch is bigger than yours!”